delete that picture

 

One of the biggest regrets that I have from my teenage years is the fact that I allowed myself to be what people want me to be.  I deeply regret that what was more important for me was people loving me rather than me loving myself. I focused on what people said about me and in return I suffered the most. Once, in 2013, I had a sudden interest in photography.  So, during the holidays, I think it was April, I decided to be take pictures of myself or just objects. I took the photos daily and uploaded them to my Facebook.  The pictures that I took were very decentand I honestly didn’t have a problem with them. They weren’t that bad and they are not one of my best works but they were worth sharing.

When school resumed, I remember this guy walking towards me while I was seated with my friends and he was screaming at the top of his lungs, “You bored me so much this holiday.  Every time. Every single fucking time I logged in to my Facebook I would always find that you have uploaded a picture…”

He went on and on about how the pictures were bland and criticized my captions calling them ‘senseless’ and I was just trying to be philosophical but ended up sounding like a broken nursery  rhyme . As he was saying this, I just sat there absorbing everything he said to me. Tearing downmy self confidence down because I believed that what he was saying was the truth. He finished up his rant by telling me to “delete those pictures.”

Believe it or not, ten hours didn’t even end before I deleted the pictures. As I was deleting the pictures, I could see the blandness in the pictures and the senselessness of the captions because I had taken to heart what he had said. I also went ahead to delete my previously uploaded pictures. I also threw away my interest in photography because it ‘wasn’t right for me’.

And this was just but the beginning.