Now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down and I’d like to take a minute (or more). Just sit right there and I’ll tell you how I peaked at thirteen and the burnt out afterwards.
You are just about to read what I currently consider as the peak of my life so far. This was the time I felt like the universe was working to my favor and I was getting the attention and recognition that I deserved.
You know how an artist’s career reaches its peak when they are dead and everyone loves them but before that nobody seemed to care about their well-being, that is exactly how I felt like my life was (it is in the past tense cause I have accepted it)
My life was turning out great after I turned twelve because it was around that time when I got the main part in the school play and it was the first time that I got a taste of popularity since a larger mass of people recognized who I was. I remember performing for the first time at a school event in front of people and getting a standing ovation and it felt like I was walking on air. Then afterwards, I competed in that year’s drama competition and my school scooped all the top positions until we came in fourth in the provincials (this was before the county system).
It felt so rewarding being able to show my talents and at that time my confidence had hit an all time high and I had burst out of my own shell. But that didn’t stop for some of my insecurities to flourish. Back then, my biggest fear was failure. It was ingrained deeply into my mind that the worst thing that can ever happen to someone is to fail in the eyes of the society. I tried my best to maintain a perfect reputation of success which was not an easy thing by the way because just like a flame I had begun to burn out. The fire in me had already died and there was no way that I thought would be possible for me to revive it.
The first thing that got affected was my studies. I failed terribly in all subjects apart from CRE. This took a toll on me because I knew what people would say. My parents would tell me to work hard and focus less on the acting. My teachers would gossip amongst themselves and constantly remind me of how bright my past was. My classmates would celebrate as they saw a giant fall. The parents of my classmates knew who I was so they would use me as a target mark and it would put a smile on the face if they knew their child outperformed the school’s actor.
By the time I was thirteen, I was known by a lot of people in my school. Like I remember being greeted by small kids who were a fan of what I did and proud of my accomplishments and the incident warmed my heart. During the prize giving day ceremony, I got an award for being the best actor. The award, itself, was a bronze coated plastic shaped into elephant’s tusks that pointed to each other and the tips had small hoops that held a bronze disk that had a bible verse engraved to it. The award was more of a house décor but to a thirteen year old me it didn’t matter.
Since I was in my final year of primary school, most of the time was mainly devoted to books and extra-curricular activities were prohibited. Due to this, I was then replaced and everything after that went downhill. The lowest moment of my life is after the results of the primary national exams came out and the position I got to put it in the best words possible was a mess. I gave up on school in general and even when I got in the school of my dreams I didn’t care about my education as much as I did earlier in primary school. There are probably many reasons that contributed to my performance in high school but this was just the flying start of it. I eventually went back into the shell that I had initially burst out of. I became more introverted and more socially awkward. It was probably the hormones changes during my puberty but still… I had officially off the pedestal. That is why from my point of view, high school me was way different from primary school me. Also a week after I got that award, it got broken by the then house help as she was cleaning the house. It was probably metaphoric of what would happen to me.
