wearing dresses and embarrassing myself
Growing up my parents used to take me and my siblings out for a fun day. This happened almost every weekend especially after we had gone to church. A lot of happy memories of my childhood were made here. As time went by, the sort of traditions slowly died and the outings reduced to almost twice or thrice a year. Today, I will tell you on what used to happen on such occasions.
A typical day began with me being the first one to bathe because the order of showering always started from the youngest and ended with my father being the last one. This was an unspoken rule in our house. Being the first person to be clean, I would always have ample time to waste. Most of which was spent playing with my next door neighbors. By the time we were leaving the house, I was already dirty. I would have dust covering me from head to toe. This, in turn, always made my mum furious. She would later on place me in the kitchen sink and rewash me again. This time she would use cold water. That was not the only thing; she would later on apply me with thick layers of Vaseline until I was greasy and shiny all over. She would later on finish up by dressing me up in clothes that my older sister overgrew which for the record were never flattering. Whenever we would meet my mum’s friend the conversation would always go like this:
MY MUM’S FRIEND: It has been a while since we last saw each other. How are you?
MY MUM: I am doing fine. And you?
MY MUM’S FRIEND: I am good. So how are the kids doing?
MY MUM: The kids are doing okay in school.
MY MUM’S FRIEND: So which class is your daughter going to now?
MY MUM: She is now a candidate.
MY MUM’S FRIEND: What about your other daughter? Has she started primary yet?
MY MUM: You mean my son?
MY MUM’S FRIEND: Wait you mean to say that that is your son. Why does she… I mean he wear a dress.
MY MUM: Because all of his clothes are dirty and so what. Jesus Christ, the son of God, also wore a dress. At least he hasn’t gotten the habit of sagging like your son has.
MY MUM’S FRIEND: (shuts up for a year)
Leave it to my mum and her punch lines. Also, it is true. All my clothes were always dirty and it was just an oversized t-shirt.
Whenever we would arrive at a place, I would always end up wandering alone into some place. I would always go someplace and just watch a family eat and talk. Was I a stalker? Probably yes. I would even photo bomb their pictures. Sometimes I wonder how many families have pictures in their albums with my face in it. It would take my parents hours and sometimes even days to find me. Try finding a boy wearing a dress in 2004. I bet it would take you longer. After I was found, I could find my family had already finished eating and my plate there waiting for me. I hated being the last one to finish eating so I would eat in a hurry. By the time I was done, I was a mess. I would have spilt everything that was in my plate onto my t-shirt. Sometimes even puke on myself. Since I was dirty, this meant that I would never tag along with my sister when she went for her adventures, exploring around. I was always left behind staring at my father who was busy reading the newspaper. My staring would eventually creep him out and then he would give me the newspaper. Giving me a newspaper to read was the worst thing someone would ever do. By the time I would be done reading, the sheets would be all over the place and some of the pages would be soggy because somehow they got wet. Lol, I made newspapers wet.
Going back home was the calmest that I could ever be since I was always asleep. That, however, didn’t stop from peeing on myself and embarrassing me and my family.
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I hope y’all enjoyed this. Comment & Share. Also if you want similar stories you can check out ESSAYS. Come back next week for more. ICYMI here is LAST WEEK'S STORY.
A typical day began with me being the first one to bathe because the order of showering always started from the youngest and ended with my father being the last one. This was an unspoken rule in our house. Being the first person to be clean, I would always have ample time to waste. Most of which was spent playing with my next door neighbors. By the time we were leaving the house, I was already dirty. I would have dust covering me from head to toe. This, in turn, always made my mum furious. She would later on place me in the kitchen sink and rewash me again. This time she would use cold water. That was not the only thing; she would later on apply me with thick layers of Vaseline until I was greasy and shiny all over. She would later on finish up by dressing me up in clothes that my older sister overgrew which for the record were never flattering. Whenever we would meet my mum’s friend the conversation would always go like this:
MY MUM’S FRIEND: It has been a while since we last saw each other. How are you?
MY MUM: I am doing fine. And you?
MY MUM’S FRIEND: I am good. So how are the kids doing?
MY MUM: The kids are doing okay in school.
MY MUM’S FRIEND: So which class is your daughter going to now?
MY MUM: She is now a candidate.
MY MUM’S FRIEND: What about your other daughter? Has she started primary yet?
MY MUM: You mean my son?
MY MUM’S FRIEND: Wait you mean to say that that is your son. Why does she… I mean he wear a dress.
MY MUM: Because all of his clothes are dirty and so what. Jesus Christ, the son of God, also wore a dress. At least he hasn’t gotten the habit of sagging like your son has.
MY MUM’S FRIEND: (shuts up for a year)
Leave it to my mum and her punch lines. Also, it is true. All my clothes were always dirty and it was just an oversized t-shirt.
Whenever we would arrive at a place, I would always end up wandering alone into some place. I would always go someplace and just watch a family eat and talk. Was I a stalker? Probably yes. I would even photo bomb their pictures. Sometimes I wonder how many families have pictures in their albums with my face in it. It would take my parents hours and sometimes even days to find me. Try finding a boy wearing a dress in 2004. I bet it would take you longer. After I was found, I could find my family had already finished eating and my plate there waiting for me. I hated being the last one to finish eating so I would eat in a hurry. By the time I was done, I was a mess. I would have spilt everything that was in my plate onto my t-shirt. Sometimes even puke on myself. Since I was dirty, this meant that I would never tag along with my sister when she went for her adventures, exploring around. I was always left behind staring at my father who was busy reading the newspaper. My staring would eventually creep him out and then he would give me the newspaper. Giving me a newspaper to read was the worst thing someone would ever do. By the time I would be done reading, the sheets would be all over the place and some of the pages would be soggy because somehow they got wet. Lol, I made newspapers wet.
Going back home was the calmest that I could ever be since I was always asleep. That, however, didn’t stop from peeing on myself and embarrassing me and my family.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I hope y’all enjoyed this. Comment & Share. Also if you want similar stories you can check out ESSAYS. Come back next week for more. ICYMI here is LAST WEEK'S STORY.
