banking stories part one
Adulting is inevitable and I have known that for the longest timepossible. Ever since I turned eighteen some things changed. My life being one of them. More than a week ago I took one big step into adulting. (For some weird reason spell-check keeps autocorrecting it to adulating, which means to praise and it’s not that my skills are even worthy of any form of flattery) I opened my first bank account alone and the whole experience was worthsharing.
First of all, I had to be sure what I had to carry so that I do not end up making unnecessary trips back home because I am missing this or the bank needs that. I have this binder where I keep everything vital on me. From my birthday certificate to my resume and to my other certificates of which they are all photocopies. Just so you know the originals are somewhere safe. I also carried my ID and my passport picture and other pictures that I took with my phone and later printed out just in case theyare not able to see the similarities in my id picture and passport photo because everyone who has seen my ID has asked me the same question: “Is that really you?”
And when I say that yes that’s me they end up saying something along the lines: “But your forehead is too big in this picture!”which is always followed by laughter. Yes! I know it is big because someone just had one job. And that was to edit out my face onto the card but no, they decided to be more ambitious andenlarged it. Sadly, it have to it is something that I have to livewith for the rest of my life.
I arrived at the bank at 3:24pm. I know that the time is very specific that is because there was a big fat clock staring at me as soon as I entered the building. A security guy frisked me,checking out if I was carrying out any explosives.
As soon as I enter there is a lady staring at me. I think she wasthe secretary. I didn’t even ask. That is because I do not even know the occupational positions in a bank. I only know of three titles: bank manager and a teller, the rest are just secretaries.
Do you remember in primary school when you used to read comprehensions in the textbooks and there was always this story where it was the first time of a character going to a bank and how everyone was smiling while queuing while the tellers were even hugging and cheering them while depositing a cheque andtheir parents always got a lot of money which would end up impulsively spent on food, toys and other stuff making it the day that they will never forget.
If for some reason you thought this was one of the stories. You are wrong. This is not one of those textbook stories. No one wasqueuing and no one was definitely smiling. The lady who was eyeing me looked angry. To me that was rude because she didn’t even hug me. Like where was my hug? I was even getting money, I was just there to open an account and deposit all the money that I had in the world. I guess no impulsive spending for me
ME: Hi
ANGRY STARING LADY: (rolls her eyes and looks away)
ME: I was wondering if you could show me where I can open an account for the first time.
ANGRY STARING LADY: (turns to me and stares, analyzing me from top to bottom while twisting her lips to the side) whatdo you want a bank account for?
ME: (unaware) Huh?
ANGRY STARING LADY: (angered by my response) Explain why you want a bank account?
ME: (lying) because I am a student and I want to save for my school fees.
For the record, I didn’t save anything in fact my account is asempty as Al Capone’s vault as we speak.
ANGRY STARING LADY: (looks at me and then turns away)
ME: So can you show where I need to go if I need to open a bank account?
ANGRY STARING LADY: (still looking away) Go straight along the veranda, turn left and you will see a brown door , open it and walk straight and then turn right and the turn left and you will see a flight of stairs. Climb them and then go to teller number five.
ME: …
ANGRY STARING LADY:
ME: …
ANGRY STARING LADY: (notices that I am still standing there turns to me) Can you go? Why are you still standing hereukininyonya damu? [=sucking my blood]
ME: (stuttering) It is... it is... it’s just that I didn’t get the directions
ANGRY STARING LADY: You expect me to repeat myself?
ME: (remains silent because I think that it is a rhetoric question)
ANGRY STARING LADY: Answer me young man. I don’t have time for you.
ME: Yeah.
ANGRY STARING LADY: Ok then. Go straight along the veranda, turn left and you will see a brown door , open it and walk straight… you know what I am even headed over there to talk to daddy I mean my boss so I will show you.
I silently thanked God because I would have gotten lost if I had gone alone.
ANGRY STARING LADY: (limping because her right heel is broken) I just got into an accident today. (nervous laughter) It is just something normal that happens around here..
And so we headed down the veranda, turn left, through the door, walked straight, turn right and then left and up the stairs. By the time I was upstairs, I was out of breath. The angry staring lady bumped into a lady who had worn a dark suit and cat-eye framed glasses.
ANGRY STARING LADY: Sorry. Mrs. Maina.
Mrs. Maina just stared at her angrily. Like the two had beefbefore. She looked at the broken heel and a wicked smile.
MRS. MAINA: the next time you don’t watch where you are going it will be your face that I break. (ANGRY STARING LADY scoffs) Do not give me attitude because I am going to-
Angry staring lady didn’t let her finish before she raised her hand quickly and…
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To be continued tomorrow.
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